Not even close- coaching guru Micky Beale shares the secrets of his O** F*** domination with BT Sport

Micky Beale is quickly discovering that football management is very different to laying out the bibs and cones for Gary McAllister’s training sessions.

For a couple of years the former Charlton starlet has been living off the belief that he was the brains of Steven Gerrard’s management team.

That was the manager that won just one trophy in nine, that signed off with cup losses to St Mirren and St Johnstone, crashed out of the Champions League to Malmo then scuttled off to Aston Villa following Europa League defeats from Lyon and Sparta Prague.

Beale seems to have bought into the myth that he is some sort of coaching revolutionary with solutions to everyfingk that happens on a football pitch.

As well as being the architect/brains behind winnings fings with no supporters watching he finks that he has the secret formula for winning the Glasgow Derby.

With Kenny Miller and Darrell Currie hanging on his every word Beale explained to BT Sport just how brilliant he was at laying out those bibs and cones.

People were looking to pick holes because we were so perfect the year before. I fink we waz four points in front and there is no way that they would have come past us.

We hadn’t lost in eight or nine O** F***s which means that the next one is in the post in all fairness, in a tools competition, like anyone can win in any Derby, especially a Derby that close, but the games weren’t particularly close.

They might have been in scoreline but when you was in the stadium we were very much in control of every game.

Beale has virtually the same group of players as Steven Gerrard plus the additions of Malik Tillman, Ben Davies and his own wonder boys Nico Raskin and Todd Cantwell.

In four matches over four months he has shown himself up as a choker in charge of Beale’s Bottlers.

No cosy media interviews are expected any time soon with the Ibrox boss explaining his brilliance.