‘Super Computer’ says NO to Daily Record SPFL fixture fantasy

The desperation of the Daily Record is hitting new depths as print sales edge below 50,000 a day.

With interest in the SPFL post-split fixtures hitting a peak yesterday the Record opted for some out of the box thinking for their army of readers.

Every fan of an SPFL Premiership club knows how the split operates, the balancing up of fixtures with the target to provide each club with 19 home and 19 away matches.

I notice no journalist had the baws to put their name to that article ???

Mark Pirie’s make written aw er it

“The super computer churns out the fixtures” ???

Mile out hahaha

— Sonnifer Lopez (@SonniferL) April 15, 2024

This season Dundee have caused a problem by their surprise appearance in the top six, since they are almost certain to finish Match 33 in sixth place they will suffer the imbalance rather than Kilmarnock, St Mirren or Hearts.

All of that seems a little too logical for an unknown Daily Record reporter who turned to ‘super computer’ for a typically far fetched Record EXCLUSIVE!

Punters are anxiously awaiting the Scottish Premiership supercomputer churning out the post-split fixtures this week – but how might it look for the title fight with perfect parity almost an impossibility at this stage?

Celtic are still due to play Rangers and Hearts at home for a second time – leaving tricky trips to Kilmarnock, where they slipped up in December, and St Mirren as well as Dundee. But having only played 16 games at home so far this season that would take Celtic to just 18 – less than half of their 38 league fixtures.

Rangers, however, have already played 17 at home yet are still due a second game against St Mirren, Dundee and Kilmarnock at Ibrox. That would mean they’d have played extra games on their own turf – something sure to cause indignation in the Celtic ranks.

There will be no indignation, in over 20 years of the split Celtic have ended up with 19 home matches every season. There are no low profile billionaires in Motherwell.

There is no supercomputer, six fixtures over five matchdays are worked out manually with Sky Sports and Police Scotland.

More anomalies will be thrown up such as if the league look to even things up by sending Philippe Clement’s side to Dens, Paisley or Rugby Park for a third time. For the sake of argument, here are how the final fixtures could look in no chronological order before the supercomputer cranks into gear at Hampden

Like most content in the Record there is no basis for anything covered in the nameless story, no need to link in to their fantasy fixtures that no-one at the publisher will put their name against.

Once the fixtures are published GIVING CELTIC THREE MORE HOME MATCHES the Record’s own Supercomputer will probably produce match reports, final league table and live reaction from The Louden Tavern of the celebrations.

Last week award winning reporter Keith Jackson had Philippe Clement’s side top of the SPFL after a commanding win over Dundee at Dens Park in a match that never even took place.

The Record’s army of readers can look forward to more EXCLUSIVES! Just like these in the weeks ahead.