In terms of fan media Ibrox Noise really is in a league of their own.
As everyone with a few functioning brain cells knows the only transfer fees heading to Ibrox this summer will be of the undisclosed type. Some might be substantial but they will all be of the unknown variety.
Except for readers of Ibrox Noise who will now be speculating over what the 2012 Tribute Act will do with the £11.5m that they pocketed over the weekend simply by shifting on three duds.
Not only does Ibrox Noise have full details of the fees involved but tey also know the weekly wages of every player.
Tellingly no-one takes the credit for breaking the story with the By-line Ibrox Noise used against the type of story that even the Daily Record or BBC Scotland would hesitate over clicking PUBLISH over in these click-bait times.
Revealing the good news Ibrox Noise explains:
Rangers have just pocketed a staggering £11M from three players after Connor Goldson, Sam Lammers and Jose Cifuentes all shipped out to pastures new for some very decent chunks of change, albeit the Goldson and Cifu deals haven’t been officially confirmed yet by Rangers.
Lammers’ transfer to Twente is official – Rangers worked a miracle here getting his £22,000pw wages off the payroll, and to the only club in Holland who wanted him and could actually afford him.
Fee? Rangers secured a stunning £4M for Sam Lammers, a full £1M profit on what might be one of the worst signings Rangers have ever made at that price. Superb work from Rangers’ board and for all the pelters we’ve given Nils Koppen and at the quality we’d brought in prior to Vaclav Cerny (And Connor Barron) it’s hard not to praise him and the board for this deal.
Then there’s Connor Goldson. He’s gone, it’s not official yet from our end, but he’s in Austria with the Aris squad and starts his new life today with Limassol. Wages saved? £38,000pw, a whopping drain on our finances and not our problem any more.
Fee? Rangers made around £2.5M from the Cypriots on this one, for a past-it 31-year-old defender who never actually had ‘it’ in the first place, it’s again a massive ‘well done’ to the powers-that-be for getting this deal secured. A lot of fans talking about “£500,000” – well that’s not the fee, it’s the amount we technically ‘lost’ by selling for that amount less than the amount we paid.
Lastly is Cifu, bit different this one – he’s gone to Greece, a loan with obligation to buy for a stonking £4.2M – it means the cash isn’t immediately in our wallet, but it will be, so it budgets the same way that ‘knowing’ you’ll be in the Champions League gives you £65M even if that money isn’t in your hand right there and then.
Note 1 After leaving Atalanta Lammers, known as the Dutch Laudriup a year ago wasn’t accepting an offer worth 50% of Kemar Roofe’s wages.
Note 2: Utrecht didn’t spend £4m on Lammers, they might have spent £400,000 on him which was used by his former club to ease him out the door.
Note 3: Goldson hasn’t signed anything for ARIS, the latest suggestion is that he is looking to go out on loan meaning that he will retain his current wages but importantly for Clement the former Shrewsbury ace will no longer be influencing the dressing room.
Note 4: On no planet is anyone paying anything to take in the Cifuentes contract. The original source of this whopper is Ewan Patton of Newsquest, the reporter that broke the news a year ago of the Malik Tillman sell-on clause, a deal that had never been put together before or after in the history of football transfers.
Note 5: Spanish side Eibar are thought to be showing late interest in Cifuentes but Ibrox Noise doesn’t know its ARIS from its Eibar. You can’t sit on your Eibar.
Ibrox Noise will discover this week that Phil Clement will see none of the alleged £11.5m as he tries to strengthen his squad for the Champions League qualifiers.
Note 6: The site responsible for the moonbeam of moonbeams is expected to rebrand as Hampden Noise for the season ahead.
Note 7) Reports in the Netherlands say that FC Twente paid only 2,5 million euros. This is after bonuses, which aren’t guaranteed.
Superb article Joe…I believe the IN site was first started by Hans Christian Anderson…
Ah wee Coco the klown at ibrox noise he never let’s you down that FUD with SHITE he puts out there,and you can’t blame the schools as gw obviously never attended any.
Tge guy is a horse’s banger the amount of LUES he has pushed out there from that site he would put Big DONALD to shame with his FAKE NEWS.
His klub are in serious Barney Rubble and he is the fuckin blind and STUPID he can’t see it.
Apparently the guy Kojak brought with him to suss out a player and to move players on is the business,he won’t be saying that when reality kicks in.
Remember wee Coco was the cunt that praised Gio,then Beale the banger and now it’s Kojak getting the same treatment with scouting buddy,and we al know how this movie ends.
I still think sevco will fold and go to the same graveyard as the previous outlet at ibrox.
Don’t you just love a game a wee game of TRANSFER BINGO FALSE CALL from the klan klub.
Lol remember when they do get linked with players and it doesn’t go trough,it’s always someone at fault and never the klub themselves.
Sevco are fucked and the Scottish MUGS in the media know this but to scared to run with story.
You are now starting to get drip fed wee snippets here and there,Like ALKIE Jackson having a go atthe manager,auld PISHEY Heevins having a bite and now Gary Keown in the Daily Mail.
Yes the VOLCANO is ready to erupt over ibrox but will the SHITE burn that is the question?
I’m glad that donkey walloper isn’t doing my accounts – good old Hector would have me banged up if he was doing my tax returns, he cannae count!
£11.5m. Sure that’s not a typo by IN and that it should actually read £1.15m? That would at least be borderline believable. As for the Cifuentes moonbeam money, is that not what Rangers will have to pay someone just to get shot of him?
I looked it up ,just to understand alternative meanings of the word ‘ noise ‘ and I found out that it means ‘ loud , harsh and confused ‘ and a non harmonious din ! Easily recognisable ,when you think about it ….
” Staggering stunning and miraculous!”
Whatever this fud is on should be banned tout de suite.
More fantasy than JR Tolkien.
Ha!Ha!Ha! “Ibrox Noise doesn’t know its ARIS from its Eibar.” Fukkin Classic!
These ibrox ‘stories’ are just going to multiply – and get even more far-fetched.
They serve a purpose though: don’t mention the stadium!
🙂