The Daily Record has gently broke the news that there is NO MONEY at Ibrox.
All through January the Glasgow based publisher was breaking exciting transfer stories which usually involved linking anyone that had ever played for the 2012 Tribute Act with an emotional return.
Nathan Patterson, Ryan Kent, Nacho Novo and Nikola Katic all got the treatment as the Record picked up on radio nonsense from Barry Ferguson, Craig Moore, Andy Halliday and other cheerleaders.
Midway through January new CEO Paddy Stewart called in the loyal messengers to spell out the news that he didn’t have a pot to use.
Lille flop Rafael Fernandes was dressed up as another example of the fabled Player Trading Model while for added hilarity claims that Chelsea were set to snatch Jefte in a £40m deal were treated seriously in print while Keith Jackson and Scott McDermott struggled to keep a straight face during a podcast.
The final hint came on Deadline Day when £600,000 was out of reach to sign Lyall Cameron from Dundee- instead Phil Clement will haveto wait until the summer and paying out a £400,000 compensation fee.
Rumours of a few last minute near misses are standard procedure with Transfer Windows at Ibrox, this morning the Record asked their Jury of experts for their verdict on the dismal state of play.
What does Rangers’ transfer window business tell us with just one loan in?
SCOTT BURNS spat out the painful reality:
It tells us what we all know, there is no money available. They have already spent some of the summer kitty and unless there is new investment then Nils Koppen will continue to have his hands tied behind his back.
ANDY NEWPORT tried to be more diplomatic about things:
It’s a simple answer – they don’t have cash to waste. Patrick Stewart has made clear the club will now only do deals that are in the long-term interest of the club. The days of paying sub-standard signings like Rabbi Matondo and Kieran Dowell thousands upon thousands are over.
FRASER WILSON opted to spell Austerity as transition:
That this season has been one of transition. To clear out the high earners who produce little of value on the park and reduce the average age of the squad. The Scottish Cup and deep run in the Europa League should still be in their targets though.
The best fun will come in the summer when a novel concept will be introduced to the loyal bears.
Rather than using Season Ticket money to fund transfers and rely on ‘investor loans’ for wages and running costs the Season Ticket money will be spread over £12m with £4m winger Oscar Cortes the star signing.
That news will of course come after some exciting transfer rumours and promises while the Season Ticket Renewal campaign is in full flow.
A bit like the Harry Enfield character Bugger All Money – the northern version of Loadsamoney.
No pot to piss in, Bugger All went about constantly bemoaning the fact that he was skint.
This is your life now sevcvnts!
“Unless there is new ‘investment’!”
They never learn, do they?! They still think another sugar daddy like Sir Minty Moonbeams is going to ride over the ridge on a white charger, check in at the nest of badgers and begin pissing a hard-earned fortune up against a wall to bankroll Rainjurz stoapin’ sellick…
Even if he existed – and he’s done a pretty good job of hiding so far – UEFA’s FSR means it wouldn’t be possible anyway. The truth may be about as palatable as rancid eggs to the orcs but it doesn’t make it any less accurate.
I remember leaving ibrokes after watching raith rovers beating us in the league cup final and then having to endure the pounding when I went back to work. A hun even told me he was crying with joy as he watched that game. Then being at parkhead the night oldco won 9 and seeing them do the huddle… the daily rectum asking “does the scum need a strong Celtic “””? Watching them on their knees now made what we went through in the 90s worth it….
Has Lyle Cameron got his Bus Fair to Ibrox.just asking like,better safe than sorry,maybe tap one of his new team mates………………..
‘ They don’t have cash to waste ‘
Andy Newport and hun media monkery at it’s finest