In the bland world of football quotes there is one name that stands out from the pack- Ian ‘Olly’ Holloway.
The Blackpool boss has never been far from the headlines this week as he tries to fend off interest in Charlie Adam, watches his side lose narrowly to Manchester United before revealing that he is on a % of transfer profits.
Topping it off for a typical week in Olly-land the Premiership have fined Blackpool for fielding a weakened team at Aston Villa- an issue that Holloway had threatened to resign over.
Compared to the sleepy predictable manager-speak of the SPL Olly is a god send for journalists and supporters alike, a diary of his two seasons at Blackpool would be an instant best seller.
As manager of QPR he started to appear on the radar with his programme notes and occassional interview being brought to national prominence.
Hand in hand with the magical rise of Blackpool from Championship strugglers to Premiership entertainers Olly has retained his passion and originality as he meets the national media two and three times a week.
At the weekend he warned Liverpool off from making a £4m bid for Charlie Adam by claiming, in the clearest of Bristol tones, that it was as likely to be accepted as he was a Scotsman called McTavish.
Not since Ebbe Shokdahl was destroying Aberdeen has there been anything noteworthy of interesting to listen out for on the SPL beat.
Skovdahl’s most famous quote: “statistics are just like mini-skirts, they give you good ideas but hide the most important thing” would certainly have met with Olly’s approval even if it brought his broadcasting career to a shuddering halt.
Football Fancast regular Dan Morris has been through the Olly archives to come up with his top 20 quotes from the Blackpool wordsmith.
20. “I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose that’s one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.” – about the new rule restricting footballers from removing their shirts during a match.
19. “Hasney’s bust his hooter. He can smell round corners now.” – on an injury sustained by central defender Hasney Aljofree.
18. “Sir David Beckham? You’re having a laugh. He’s just a good footballer with a famous bird. Can you imagine if Posh was called Lady Beckham? We’d never hear the end of it!” – on rumours about a possible knighthood for David Beckham.
17. “We need a big, ugly defender. If we had one of them we’d have dealt with County’s first goal by taking out the ball, the player and the first three rows of seats in the stands.” – after a defeat against Notts County.
16. “Apparently it’s my fault that the Titanic sank.” – on criticism from Plymouth Argyle fans during Leicester City’s match against Plymouth Argyle.
15. “It’s all very well having a great pianist playing but it’s no good if you haven’t got anyone to get the piano on the stage in the first place, otherwise the pianist would be standing there with no bloody piano to play.” – after being criticised for using defensive players in midfield.
14. “Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.” – on veteran striker Paul Furlong.
13. “If he’s only worth £4 million, then I’m a Scotsman called Mctavish.” – Again on bids received for captain Charlie Adam
CLICK HERE FOR MORE OLLY QUOTES
[bet_365 type=’generic’ size=’468′ af_code=’365_050711′]
12. “Have you ever seen The Incredibles? They have a a kid and he’s just so quick, like ‘WOOSH’ and he’s gone, and they call him ‘Dash’. – on Scott Sinclair, then on loan at Argyle.
11. “It was a bit cheeky wasn’t it? But I don’t think it was that bad. It would have been worse if he’d turned round and dropped the front of his shorts instead. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a couple of butt cheeks personally. (…) If anybody’s offended by seeing a backside, get real. Maybe they’re just jealous that he’s got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything.” – on Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton mooning Everton fans
10. “When my wife first saw Marc for the first time, she said he was a fine specimen of a man. She says I have nothing to worry about, but I think she wants me to buy her a QPR shirt with his name on the back for Christmas.” – on QPR’s new Danish striker Marc Nygaard.
9. “I call us the Orange club – because our future’s bright!” – on QPR’s potential.
8. “It’s like the film Men in Black. I walk around in a black suit, white shirt and black tie where I’ve had to flash my white light every now and again to erase some memories, but I feel we’ve got hold of the galaxy now. It’s in our hands.” – Holloway on QPR’s financial situation.
7. “Every dog has its day, and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark!” – Holloway after securing promotion to the Championship.”
6. “I am a football manager. I can’t see into the future. Last year I thought I was going to Cornwall on my holidays but I ended up going to Lyme Regis.” – asked whether QPR would be able to beat Manchester City.
5. “It was lucky that the linesman wasn’t stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake.” – Holloway states his opinion about the linesman’s performance in a game against Bristol City.
4. “He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.” – talking about Cristiano Ronaldo.
3. “Dream on! If they want to insult me by only offering £3.5 million and then get it all over the paper and try to upset me well, sorry, they’re barking up the wrong tree, they’re messing with the wrong dog and I’ll come and bite them.” – On bids received for captain Charlie Adam.
2. “To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee” – on the “ugly” win against Chesterfield. This is perhaps Holloway’s most famous quote.
1. “If I was in there I wouldn’t try to be everybody’s friend. I’d have to say ‘Excuse me, hang on a minute, I think you’re wrong there. Don’t raise your voice at her like that, don’t get like that. It’s just an Oxo cube, we got it wrong and we’re all in this together’. It’s like the Witches of Eastwick. They need Jack Nicholson to come in and sort them right out.” – on the bullying of Shilpa Shetty on Celebrity Big Brother 2007.
Just some of his best, I’m sure there are plenty more, feel free to comment.
Follow Video Celts on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube
twitter http://www.twitter.com/iamdanmorris
[bet_365 type=’generic’ size=’468′ af_code=’365_050711′]