Rabbi Matondo is faster than Usain Bolt!
That is the incredible news today following the decision of the Schalke flop to snub Celtic in favour of joining the SPFL Premiership runners up.
A week ago Matondo was virtually unknown in Scottish football but after Keith Jackson’s glowing references to Erling Haaland, Raheem Sterling and Kyle Walker The Sun have opted to go in another direction entirely.
Further exploits of the former Stoke City and Cercle Brugge loanee are expected tomorrow, gushing about the Schalke flop The Sun reports:
At 18, he set a new record for a 20-metre sprint during end-of-season tests at the Etihad with a razor-sharp 2.62 seconds, beating the likes of Leroy Sane, Raheem Sterling and Kyle Walker in the process.
That is even faster than Olympic legend Usain Bolt’s opening 20m time of 2.87sec when he landed 100m gold in Beijing in 2008.
20 metres isn’t a recognised distance in Athletics, the shortest distance competed over is 60 metres, indoors.
In three weeks time Matondo will be able to show off his blistering pace in a Champions League Third Round qualifier.
Oli Burke is also very fast but as most folk know not so good at football.
The thing is Rabbi old stick,is that once it all goes nipples up,and I mean sooner, rather than later, the mad mob will run you out of town faster than Usain Bolt in a Ferrari F60! Let’s all hope you are as quick as they say. You will need to be!
Think of the BENNY Hill song his name is Rabbi Matondo and he out runs the fastest milk cart in the west.
The only things faster than Usain Bolt at Ibrox are the speed with which their PR people and client vloggers/journos can spread this sort of BS, the speed with which the halfwit Orcs reading it unquestioningly accept it and the speed with which Sevco can plunder their bank accounts for season ticket money, shirt sales and other tat on the back of it.
Faster than Usain Bolt, pity he can’t kick his own arse.