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Stats man Clement goes full on Mad Pedro

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Someone deep inside Ibrox seems to be briefing Phil Clement with the sort of nonsense that was the trademark of Pedro Caixinha’s short but memorable Irox reign

The former Monaco boss hasn’t yet started discussing barking dogs and caravans but statistics seem to be providing a bizarre comfort blanket as he constantly loses out on the big occasion.

Last night Lyon joined Benfica and Dinamo Kiev in inflicting home pain for Clement but it seems that a comforting stat is never too far away in the face of adversity.

Lyon had some defensive issues of their own but outplayed their hosts throughout, scoring four goals while another four wouldn’t have reflected unfavourably on the gulf between the clubs.

Rather than accept the situation that fans and viewers had witnessed Clement opted to tell his media conference that in terms of chances created there was actually nothing between the two teams.

After losing to Celtic at the start of September Clement clung on to a 53-47% possession stat to explain that his side had been equal to the three-in-a-row champions.

He also opted to remind loyal bears that a week earlier his side had beaten Ross County 6-0 which was apparently the club’s best result in four years.

If the gap to Celtic at the top of the SPFL Premiership table extends beyond five points the xG boss better come up with some stunning stats or he’ll follow follow Giovanni van Bronckhorst and Micky Beale out the door as the annual autumn managerial hunt gets underway.

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7 comments

  • The Joker says:

    He is getting his scripts right out of the Craig Brown book of excuses,remember when he was Scotland manager we got a right good SCUDDING from someone but Brown’s soundbite was,aye but we had more corners than the other team.

    So what good is the STATS that Kojak throws out when his team have just suffered HUMILIATION on their own turf.

    • Walter Chinstrap says:

      Correct Joker
      Brown was a truly awful manager
      His excuse that Scotland don’t win anything because of the size of our country was embarrassing.
      Uruguay, Denmark, Croatia……etc
      Brogue wearing dinosaur fuckwit

  • Captain Swing says:

    I weesh ‘e spoke in mower strongly accented Eenglish becuz in that sirt of voice eez statistical mitigation would send lake Peter Sellars een The Pink Panther films….

    • Board Out! says:

      He belongs in a Padded Cell wae Herbert Lom m8! A COMPLETE & UTTER FRUITCAKE LOONBIN LOL!

  • Valentine's day massacre says:

    There was ‘ fire in the stands ‘ alright , as big Pip stated …at a cost of a heavy fine or even a section closed down inside Ibroxland for the Pyro show ! Big Souttar’ says that the Lyon mauling given to theRangers was ‘ because of ‘ small margins ‘ . Sure ,big man ….distant galaxies ‘ small margins ‘ evidently !

  • SFATHENADIROFCHIFTINESS says:

    Lies, damned lies and Statistics.

    The full range of obfuscations employed by Charlatans worldwide.

    Then you have Sevco’s alternate reality fully exploited by Belgium’s latest
    clone of ‘ Hercule Poirot’ with his broken Engerlish and Can-Can dancer improvisations.

    Will say this for The Tribute Act, they’ve really bought into this concept of ‘ Any one, Every one’ or whatever the feck
    it’s called. They’re trying to cover all the bases. Any lunatic, Clown or Moonbeam worshipper gets the full star treatment
    over there. No diversity discrimination over there in La-La land.

    Long may it continue.

    Now if they could only sort out those pesky songs. Perhaps Mr Gilligan can help out there.

  • Clachnacuddin and the Hoops says:

    Stats the lad Fillipe Fillop…

    BUT YOUR’E STILL FIVE POINTS BEHIND YOUR BETTERS AND YOUR’E CHAMPIONS !

Comments are closed.