Kensington Blue reveals the sinister RC plot that makes The Banter Years permanent for Ibrox fans

As they witness their Staunch Revolution crash and burn in under a month one Ibrox fans are digging deep into the reasons why Lawrence Shankland can’t header a ball into the net.

Or why Nico Raskin and Cammy Devlin get brushed aside by third rate Hibernian footballers.

When football is an expression of your superiority complex Scottish football in 2026 is an uncomfortable place to be.

Especially so for those bears in their 50s or 60s who thought that the 1990s under Dave Murray was the natural order.

Truth is that over the last 60 years Celtic have dominated every decade with the exception of the 90s when the Bank of Scotland under Gavin Masterton almost destroyed Scottish football.

Fortunately there was only one casualty. That happened in 2012 as angry bears looked around and said ‘but naebdy tellt us’.

By naebdy they meant the Daily Record, BBC, Herald, Scotsman and the rest of the chip wrappers who had dined out with Murray for decades.

Some pesky Internet Bampots were able to piece things together. The benefits of Point 5 in Kensington Blue’s investigation.

IBROX MOURNS AS RANGERS DIE

The Bank of Scotland debt mountain was inherited by Halifax. A financial crash and the Lloyds TSB takeover meant the good old days were over for Murray and his football club.

In June 2012 Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth rejected a CVA and Rangers were dead. Who could blame her with £20m of unpaid taxes with potentially another bill looming for a further £70m.

None of Scotland’s wealthy Blue Noses came to the rescue. Or the fans that had left for the Commonwealth countries to earn millions. Expats of course, certainly not immigrants.

Fourteen on from the launch of the Tribute Act by Charles Green the domination days are over.

Green made way for a new regime backed by Mike Ashley who were chased out of town for trying to run a business.

The Three Bears came to the rescue, reached the top flight then found Brendan Rodgers launching the greatest period of domination Scottish football has ever known.

Last year the Daily Record told their readers that happy days were back with the introduction of the San Francisco 49ers.

It wasn’t really. It was plain old Andy Cavenagh with some mates out to make a tonne of money. Ibrox fans swallowed every word, they still discuss the 49ers.

Among the soothing jargon and buzzwords ‘The Americans’ delivered Russell Martin, Danny Rohl and now one of their own in Derek McInnes.

THE VATICAN, JOHN REID OR BELLAHOUSTON PARK?

Three games in the Staunch Revolution could be the shortest ever.

Bears are again searching for answers.

That is increasingly difficult since they have tried every type of management to break Celtic’s domination.

To answer a simple question they go wildly off at a tangent.

Fuelled by the narrative being pushed by Nigel Farage with Reform in Scotland led by lifelong bear Malcolm Offord.

The reasons are bizarre. They range from John Reid, Bellahouston Park, Co-op Bank, Craig Whyte and the Vatican infiltration of Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs.

The answer is actually quite simple. Bears are the problem. Their completely misguided superiority complex and blind faith in things like a Marble Staircase, Loving Cup, Mister Struth’s bowler hat, The Blue Room and that success is their birthright.

Meanwhile they can turn to Kensingtom Blue and other like minded types for reassurance that they are the innocent victims of the most sinister of plots.